EDITOR’S NOTE: It is common that men who go for the gold will come up short now and then. Those who stretch and step into leadership do so knowing they will succeed at some aspects and then fail at others. Not a bad word this “fail.” For these brave men are the ones who can learn through their experience. For this piece, we bring in three men and three questions. Each man has been fired from a position as Division Coordinator and then returned to the circle in order to use the lessons he learned – for the best of the circle and his own best. The questions include:
- Qtn 1 – What led to you being taken out from your leadership position?
- Qtn 2 – What lesson did you learn from that, and how did you come to realize that lesson?
- Qtn 3 – How have you applied that to future leadership positions and your life, and what has been the impact?
JON FLEMING – Division Coordinator – 1993-94 and 2001-02
Qtn 1 – What led to you being taken out from your leadership position?
I was dictatorial, heavy handed and I led from my ego not from my care for the men.
Qtn 2 – What lesson did you learn from that, and how did you come to realize that lesson?
I learned how to lead from a heart of care for the men. I learned to listen to them and to know what they are going through. I learned how to have trusting relationships with men from a place of service and not from trying to control them. Bottom line, I needed to learn to be humble and recognize that we all need to be supported to be our best.
Qtn 3 – How have you applied that to future leadership positions and your life, and what has been the impact?
Absolutely. I have applied this in my family, raising my son and caring for my wife (of 40 years now). I am using this in my work and in my mentoring and leading in my mens ministry at church. These lessons have been invaluable for me. I am grateful for having the safe place to learn how to be a better leader.
GARRET HOLLARN – Division Coordinator – July 2021 to May 2023
Qtn 1 – What led to you being taken out from your leadership position?
I can never truly know what caused me to be taken out of my position, as I’m not the one who made that decision. What I think led me to be taken out of my position was a few things: I failed to show up to a couple of my Core Team meetings. I managed more than I led. And I feel like I didn’t fully embrace connecting will all the men in my division.
Qtn 2 – What lesson did you learn from that, and how did you come to realize that lesson?
The lesson I learned from being taken out was to not give up. The easy thing to do is to quit after something like that. The harder thing to do is to come back, and take the lessons and learn from them. I realized the lessons by helping and working with the next DC and stepping up for other responsibilities.
Qtn 3 – How have you applied that to future leadership positions and your life, and what has been the impact?
By stepping up to be on my DC’s Core Team I am able to give back and I can help him not repeat my mistakes. But also by taking on a new leadership role as part of the Core Team, or being part of the Legacy Discovery training team, I can use what I learned and put it into practice. The impact of that has caused me to grow and learn, both inside and outside of MDI.
JACK RUTLEDGE – Division Coordinator – 2002 and 2008
Qtn 1 – What led to you being taken out from your leadership position?
At the time it happened I wasn’t given a reason nor did I ask. It was such a shock and I was very emotional about it. That being said I was also relieved, which really goes to the why. I was relieved because I had put so much energy (time and emotion) into the job which means I was doing everything myself, wasn’t asking for the help that I needed (and was always available) and wasn’t trusting the men around me to “get the job done.” The relief was the sign there was something there for me to look at and perhaps discover a different way of doing and being.
Qtn 2 – What lesson did you learn from that, and how did you come to realize that lesson?
It took me awhile to start to learn the lessons that were available because for about a year I just hung out, pretending I was good and not really participating. I still was an important part of my team. I just removed myself from any other leadership activities. Finally, Jon Fleming (my replacement) and Mark Johnston (the then DC) took me aside after a division meeting and called me out. After admitting what I was really doing, they asked if that was the man I wanted to be, and the truth was that it wasn’t. That gave me a chance to grow by telling the truth about me and making changes that would perhaps accelerate that growth.
Qtn 3 – How have you applied that to future leadership positions and your life, and what has been the impact?
I came to realize that holding leadership positions wasn’t that important to me and I stated many times I had no desire to take on any leadership job. That was probably BS … OK take the probably out. However, I did learn that the saying “trust the men” is extremely valid and beneficial when I get my ego out of the way. This showed up later when we were picking a new DC and Mr. Fleming asked his famous question “Is there any reason you couldn’t take the job if the men pick you?”
I had no reason so I stepped in the circle and had the intent of just being honest. In the end the men chose me, which turned out to be another opportunity to learn. At that time, I was leading a Point Program with Chuck Tesar, and we were about half way through the program. I told the men that I would take the DC job but only after the Point Program men completed it. Then a wonderful thing happened. Michael Fowlkes was not comfortable with the new DC not starting right away and thought we should consider someone else. Suddenly a man in the circle (John Gomez) stepped into the circle and said he would be my XO and handle everything until the program was over. The men agreed to this arrangement and John did great job without me being involved at all. I learned that some things are more important than others in the moment, a commitment (and sticking to it) matters and that there are always good men that are there to support you.
By doing this, I was able to complete my commitment, got a chance to trust another man to do the job his way and most importantly to realize I end up being much more intelligent by creating the space for other men to do their thing.
The second time around I allowed other men to do most of the talking and doing. I believe that was the best leadership growth I could have received from the gift I was given.
Fast forward and I can say that the opportunity to learn that came from my being “fired” from a volunteer leadership position. It was extremely beneficial for me. My life is very blessed. My wife Colleen and I will celebrate our 45th wedding anniversary in November; all of my immediate family lives on a “compound” we bought in Valley Center so I get to be with my grandsons almost every day, and I make a concerted effort at taking care of myself from a health standpoint. I am in a career that I love and can do as long as I choose while managing to travel 4-6 times a year.
My legacy is being forged in my family and career as well as in my plan for the family compound to be self-sustaining from a financial standpoint so multiple generations can call it home if they choose to.
Today, my leadership opportunities show up in different ways and how I am in those opportunities is usually governed by the lessons I learned from being in the circles of men. I will always be grateful for the opportunity the men have given me to learn, grow and, most importantly, to have the chance to become a better man.