The Art of Conflict and Disagreement for Men

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David Plante
Guest Contributor

Conflict is an inevitable part of working with men. We have all seen situations where people with different goals and needs have clashed, and we’ve all witnessed the often-intense personal animosity that can result. But conflict is necessary and an integral part of a successful men’s team. Here are some of the benefits.

1. Increased understanding. Going through the process of resolving conflict expands people’s awareness, and gives them an insight into how they can achieve their goals without undermining others.
2. Better team cohesion. When you resolve conflict effectively, team members can develop stronger mutual respect, and a renewed trust in their ability to work together.
3. Personal growth. Conflict pushes individuals to examine their goals and expectations closely, helping them to understand the things that are most important to them.

But conflict can also be damaging. If you don’t handle it effectively, it can quickly turn into personal dislike, teamwork can break down, and talent may be wasted as people disengage from the team and leave. Men get entrenched in their positions, tempers flare, voices rise, and body language becomes aggressive. You start to see things like ego, righteousness, bullying, and other ways to “strong arm” men into taking your side.

There is a solution, and you are welcome to use this as a guide. Men tend to work together. Women tend to work against each other. When you look at the solution, look at how YOU can be in the conflict, not the others. Unfortunately, the only person who can achieve these results is YOU. If you think you can make someone else be a certain way, you have wasted your time reading this far.

Here are the 7 guidelines.

1. Make sure the masculine relationship is the priority. Treat the other man with respect. It is just a disagreement. (DON’T BE A DICK)
2. Separate the man from the problem or conflict. Usually the other man is not being difficult. Real and valid differences can lie behind conflicting positions. Discuss the issue, not the relationship. (IT IS NOT ABOUT YOU)
3. Listen first, listen second, and maybe talk third. You get a better grasp of things when you listen. Defending your own position should always be secondary. (TRUST THE MEN)
4. Pay attention to the facts. Those facts may impact your decision. A masculine man can keep his emotions out of most conflicts. (LIVE WITH EXCELLENCE)
5. Explore options together. Be open to the idea that a third option exists, and that you may be able to reach that instead. (COOPERATE PROFUSELY)
6. Agree to disagree. Shake hands on it, hug it out, high five, who cares! If you believe one thing, and another man believes another, then just agree to disagree. No harm, no foul. (COMMITMENT BEFORE EGO)
7. The guideline you make up. Notoriously, every time someone comes up with something, Men tend to change it around and add their “missing piece.” In order to avoid “conflict,” I leave this space open for your super great guideline that I completely failed to realize. (MAKE SHIT UP)

Is this true “brotherhood?” I don’t know for sure, but I would rather be in conflict with my men, than in agreement.

You choose.

When Dave Plante ventures forth from his man cave, he acts as expert for men in relationships. His book is available for purchase at Amazon.

David Plante’s book found HERE.

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