What’s it like to be married to an MDI man?
To be honest, it has always been wonderful being married to Andy – even before MDI. But since his health and happiness are of paramount importance to me, It fills me with joy to see how Andy’s self-confidence, his sense of himself as whole and complete, and his general “lightness of being” have blossomed over his years with MDI. What’s it like to be married to that? Extra joyful.
Also, his self-confidence makes me feel more secure in this crazy world. He handles a lot of the load in our family, but I feel confident that he can draw a line when he needs to.
It is comforting for me, as his partner in life, to know that Andy has deep friendships outside of our marriage. Indirectly, all those men have been there to support me, too. It reduces my own anxiety (yes, I am an anxiety case) to know that
- (a) I don’t have to be Andy’s “everything” (I can never provide male bonding, no matter how hard I try, for example).
- (b) The men are there in an emergency (for both of us).
- (c) Andy’s social circle fulfills him, which keeps him healthy.
Can you tell the difference that he belongs to a circle of men? What difference would that be?
Men need men in their lives. I’m smart and insightful, and Andy says I know him better than he knows himself. However, I can never be the one Andy talks to about things he’s not ready to say to me, and I can never provide male bonding and a men’s peer group. I am Venus, not Mars. Andy needs the balance of both, and he needs to be understood on men’s viewpoints in a way I can never fully do.
Yes, I can tell the difference that he belongs to a men’s circle. Andy seems whole and fulfilled by his circle of people. His life is rich in a way it couldn’t be without the guys and MDI.
How does he reflect qualities that may not appear in other men in our world?
Andy can own his feelings while still feeling his own power. Men have trouble with that. Men get a lot of false messages, through upbringing and false social messages (men don’t cry, suck up those feelings, real men don’t eat cheesecake, etc.) Having a place for safe, deep sharing is life-changing for men, who are otherwise heavily pressured to perform without ever expressing their humanity.
I notice MDI members tend to be more “real” to me than average men. They are easier to connect with emotionally. At the same time, I know they are reliable and available. This is a state of balance and authenticity, which men are taught to fight in the wider world.