Kris Girrell Guest Columnist
With respect to the “Women’s Marches,” we men have two roles:
1. We can stand behind and beside our women as they make their statement to the powers that be with the clarity that we are not women and cannot speak on their behalf.
2. We can work with the power establishment to right the injustices because it is largely men who have created and are unaware of the biases they have built into business and government.
The former is an understanding that we have been part of the power system that has been oppressing women for centuries.
The latter is the hard role of calling our own brothers on the bullshit of privilege. It is analogous to Black Lives Matter. For the most part white males swim in a pool of water that is made of privilege, and like fish, we don’t see the water. Whites/Caucasians did not have our ancestors or even our fathers stripped of their humanity and treated like animals. And this is not about groveling or guilting anyone – it is clearly a matter of fixing the imbalance. As long as we see human skin color before the person it isn’t fixed. And even if we try to treat “them” as equals we are still living racism.
Now back to women.
We have to teach men and our sons to be responsible for their own sexuality.
It gets more complicated with women’s issues, because pheromones and body types and lip gloss and smells definitely interact with our biological masculinity. But the bottom line is if you got a hard on, that is your problem not the woman’s, Dig? We have to teach men and our sons to be responsible for their own sexuality. We are driven to procreate – especially in the prime of our masculine years. But that provides no license to grab, ogle, grope, violate or harass any woman who is not in a mutually consensual relationship with us.
However if you have a willing partner and have had the conversation ahead of time (all hot and panting “Paradise by the Dashboard Light” type does not count as having the conversation), then go for it. Otherwise, rub it out on your own or take care of your yearnings to conquer by conquering your job or fixing the world. Lust and libido are great driving forces, but they do not have to drive a man to fuck. Do as David Deida says, “Give the world or your job a good fuck. Make it weak in the knees!”
Having said this, Women’s Marches are not just about sexuality. They are about human rights. No two humans are the same. I am 6’3″ and 245 and have been a strong MoFo all of my life, and I have a good friend and man on my men’s team who is 5’8″ and can’t be more than 130 soaking wet, but he can check you into the boards as good as Chara.
It is the same with men and women, same but different. Different is very good. Different is very necessary and needed. We need to break down the barriers to making sure that that different is present in all human systems – work, politics, leadership, you name it. In addition we need to break down our tendency toward “dualistic” (either/or) thinking. What I mean is thinking that either women and men are different or they are the same. NO. They and we are different and equally human, potentially equally intelligent and equally gifted. Yeah, we all know men who are too dumb to tie their own shoes and should never be in leadership, just as there are women who are a few eggs short of a dozen. But there are brilliant leaders of both genders, and gender itself is not the dividing line.
So let’s wise up, listen up, stand up and speak out. We don’t need any more research to tell us that women and men are different – that has been beaten to death. But we do need to be champions for women’s causes, for equality, for ending violence (physical, mental, and verbal abuses) against women, and for following their lead for once. It is time we show up like real men – courageous (that word comes from the Latin root for heart: coeur), willing to stand up and take opposition to the status quo that holds women back and women down.
And – at this time – you just may have to be fearless of what others may think if you do that.
Kris Girrell cowrote the book “A Married Man’s Survival Guide” presently available for purchase at Amazon.
Kris Girrell and David Plante’s book is found HERE.