{"id":14621,"date":"2020-07-01T17:37:19","date_gmt":"2020-07-01T21:37:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/2020\/07\/01\/it-is-never-about-the-surface-loss\/"},"modified":"2021-04-25T17:00:01","modified_gmt":"2021-04-25T21:00:01","slug":"it-is-never-about-the-surface-loss","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/it-is-never-about-the-surface-loss\/","title":{"rendered":"It Is Never About The Surface Loss"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
James Anthony Ellis<\/strong> 
Legacy Magazine Editor<\/strong><\/pre>\n\n\n\n
\"Oakland
Shit, 57, you couldn’t knock that dying quail down? <\/strong><\/span><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n\n\n\n
It all started with a pass play that never should have resulted in a catch and then a loss for the Miami Dolphins. It was December 21, 1974, the first round of the playoffs. The agony and the pain appears to have started right there, at that stupid shot put of a pass that tumbled in slow motion towards the end zone with less than 30 seconds to go. In a sea of Miami hands (at least six) trying to break up the pass, it was the Raiders’ Clarence Davis, the worst receiver on the team, who brought it down. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It appeared to all spring forth from that one play and that one loss. But did it?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
How does the old saying go? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“You sure you want to pull on that thread?” <\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Is that it? <\/p>\n\n\n\n
It’s a good saying, perfect for those who don’t want to go deeper and discover what lies beneath the surface, for those afraid of revealing too much, for those who dare not tread towards the cascading layers of anything: relationship squabbles, miscommunication topics, touchy subjects, the agony of defeat, or even certain types of shirts I guess.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it’s a perfect saying to reflect the multilayered, vulnerable nature of emotions. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
The layers of our emotions, one on top of the other, are met one by one. It may be easier for men to experience the emotion of anger, which we may be met during the loss of a game, the loss of a job, the perceived loss of respect or even the loss of a mate. In circles like a men’s team, or a sacred healing group, if we are ever given enough space concerning our current situation and upset, we have the invitation to go deeper in order to experience the next indicated layer (ie. sadness, guilt, fear).  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
For everyone, it will be a different order and a different thread to pull.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For each of us though, we experience just one layer at a time, and healing is encountered as we peel those layers – like an onion, right? We can peel back the layers, one after the other, until we get to the core of the issue! What would that ever be? What has been the core for you?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Throughout all of my experiences in the healing field, I have routinely observed that the surface layer of agitation covers frustration, which covers anger, which covers sadness, which covers fear, which covers guilt, which covers terror, which covers the deep grief found in an empty void. This void is the home of transformation, and ultimately a divine, miraculous well-spring of love, calm, bliss and peace. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Whew.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So I would imagine if you don’t quit on the process of pulling on that thread or digging in the dirt (how many analogies can I fit into this article?), then we can end up in a miraculous place. It’s the promise of perseverance and faith. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I have also found that even surface upset can represent an upset we aren’t even aware of. Surface tears can be a signpost for a deeper sadness we don’t comprehend consciously. For those who can admit to crying, have you ever asked yourself, “Why am I crying over that<\/em>?”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Why that<\/em> song? That <\/em>phrase? That<\/em> experience?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There is a line in the John Mellencamp song called “Check It Out<\/em>.” <\/p>\n\n\n\n
All utility bills have been paid. Can’t tell your<\/em> best buddy that you love him.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
Yeah, I would tear up over that line. It struck a chord obviously. Do I know of a certain “buddy” whom I haven’t let know of my care? Nothing comes to mind … the conscious mind anyway.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I think they call it “transference”<\/a> in psychology circles. These are the moments when we are grieving over one surface event or circumstance, but it actually ties into something we don’t want to directly confront. I recall that one movie scene in “The Courtship of Eddie’s Father<\/strong>” when the motherless child Eddie was FREAKING OUT over the death of one of his goldfish. The maid came in and said, “You were thinking of your mother, weren’t you?” Although that was obvious to everyone watching on, Eddie’s father barked out later: “A fish is a fish and his mother is his mother!” Yeah, well tell that to Freud. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
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