{"id":14642,"date":"2020-06-26T00:09:50","date_gmt":"2020-06-26T04:09:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/2020\/06\/26\/moving-on-the-cost-of-not-grieving\/"},"modified":"2021-04-25T16:57:14","modified_gmt":"2021-04-25T20:57:14","slug":"moving-on-the-cost-of-not-grieving","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/moving-on-the-cost-of-not-grieving\/","title":{"rendered":"Moving On \u2013 The Cost Of Not Grieving"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<pre class=\"wp-block-preformatted\"><strong>Matt Coddington<\/strong> <br><strong>MDI Contributor<\/strong><\/pre>\n\n\n\n<p>When I think of grieving, I always associate it with a person who has died. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Have I truly grieved the deaths of the people closest to me throughout my life up to this point? I have not. I\u2019m not sure why. But I know deep down I haven\u2019t. And I ask myself now, what is the cost of that? What price have I paid as a man, as a human being, for becoming numb and not honoring those people with my heart and love?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Why try and answer that? I think: just move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My first experience with death was with my father\u2019s passing in 1980. I was 17; he was 73. That day held the most bizarre experience I have ever had, and will ever have. My mother and I went to the hospital and sat by the bed where his body lay motionless. That was my dad. &#8220;Move man, say something, you were just alive the last time I saw you! What the hell is going on here?&#8221; I had never seen a dead body before, let alone my father&#8217;s. I was afraid to touch him. &nbsp;<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Then it was time to go.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Time to move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image\"><figure class=\"alignleft size-large is-resized\"><img decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/04\/matt-c-family.jpg\" alt=\"\" class=\"wp-image-14681\" width=\"350\"\/><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>I thought of him many times after that day, but as other family members began to pass away over the years, I became numb to death. I acknowledged their passing, but I stopped grieving. I loved all of them, including my mother. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>My mother! <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>And I still do. And I miss them so very much, even terribly. But my heart became an iceberg, an impenetrable fortress against death and grieving.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Keep going. I have my own life to live. Move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I sometimes ask myself, in regards to this, am I an asshole? What is wrong with me? How could I not fully grieve the deaths of the people closest to me? It\u2019s like I\u2019m living in a dream-state where those people are no longer here, but they\u2019re still here because I haven\u2019t grown up enough to fully accept their finality on this earth.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019ve just moved on. The iceberg has floated away with the current. And perhaps that\u2019s what we all do anyway. Shit, I don\u2019t know. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Maybe we have to move on in order to not go insane. I can\u2019t bring any of them back \u2026 my mother, my father, my uncles, my aunts, or my cousins. Those I have lost, and those still in the living though distant, my sister and brother, I do consider them my true family, my true tribe. And how badly sometimes I want to go back in time so that I can have the life I once knew, with all of them back.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>We all eventually move on.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>I\u2019m 57. I have more time in the rear-view mirror than in the windshield. I don\u2019t always think about the people I haven\u2019t grieved over enough, but they are always there, like a steady hum in the background of my iceberg of a heart. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Perhaps this is my way of honoring them and continuing to love them though they are gone. By not grieving, they\u2019re always with me. They never left. They\u2019re just somewhere else, and I trust they\u2019re fine. Maybe this is my weird way of grieving. Shit, I don\u2019t know. And I ask myself, would my father, mother, uncles, aunts, or cousins want me to be stuck on some lonely island \u2026 the Island of Grieving \u2026 or would they want me to acknowledge my love for them and then \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>&#8230; move on?<\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Shit &#8230; I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Matt Coddington MDI Contributor When I think of grieving, I always associate it with a person who has died. Have I truly grieved the deaths of the people closest to me throughout my life up to this point? I have not. I\u2019m not sure why. But I know deep down I haven\u2019t. And I ask [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":18777,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14642","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grieving"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v24.3 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Moving On \u2013 The Cost Of Not Grieving - MDI - Mentoring men to live with excellence - Men&#039;s Teams<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/moving-on-the-cost-of-not-grieving\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Moving On \u2013 The Cost Of Not Grieving - MDI - Mentoring men to live with excellence - Men&#039;s Teams\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Matt Coddington MDI Contributor When I think of grieving, I always associate it with a person who has died. 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