{"id":14703,"date":"2020-06-29T02:16:17","date_gmt":"2020-06-29T06:16:17","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/2020\/06\/29\/letting-go-of-marci-by-embracing-her\/"},"modified":"2021-04-25T16:57:39","modified_gmt":"2021-04-25T20:57:39","slug":"letting-go-of-marci-by-embracing-her","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/letting-go-of-marci-by-embracing-her\/","title":{"rendered":"Letting Go of Marci By Embracing Her"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
March 19, 2009 was the worst day of my life.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My sister Marci died this day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it was then I knew that life would never be the same.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
In an instant, in a moment, when it happened, I immediately felt completely lost.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Scared.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Alone. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
My initial feelings were actually disbelief and anger. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I kept thinking that this was only a bad dream from which I would surely awake. Time convinced me that in fact my sister was gone \u2026 and it would be forever.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
As soon as the finality of it all registered, I began to experience the most pain and sorrow I have ever felt.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It\u2019s not fair! <\/em><\/p>
She didn\u2019t deserve to die! <\/em><\/p>
She was so good! <\/em><\/p>
She cared about and loved everyone!<\/em><\/p>
It should have been me!<\/em><\/p>
It’s not fair.<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n
With her passing, I hate the fact that she misses out on everything that happens in the lives of her nieces and nephews.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I hate that I can\u2019t hug her or talk with her or laugh with her … ever again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the first year of her passing I would break down and cry almost daily, when driving in my truck, when grocery shopping, whenever. Everything made me think of her.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I became distant and closed off from people who cared about me. I rejected input. Maybe I wanted to torture myself by not healing this huge wound.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I felt guilty about every time in the past when I was mean to her. Memories of our childhood together were filled with times I was unkind.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After a few years of this behavior, I began to wake up to what I was doing to the people who loved me in my present life. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I found a different way to deal with my pain. I decided to honor her legacy by giving my best as a father, husband, brother, neighbor, boss and son.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I decided that I could talk with her, and that she could hear me. I decided that everything amazing and beautiful I saw, was her putting those things in front of me. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
I feel her now, all the time!<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It still hurts so much every day … but I now know I am not alone.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Marci is with me.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Bryce Honstead MDI Contributor March 19, 2009 was the worst day of my life. My sister Marci died this day. And it was then I knew that life would never be the same. In an instant, in a moment, when it happened, I immediately felt completely lost. Scared. Alone. My initial feelings were actually disbelief […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":5,"featured_media":18781,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-site-content-layout":"","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"default","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[21],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-14703","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-grieving"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n
Letting Go of Marci By Embracing Her - MDI - Mentoring men to live with excellence - Men's Teams<\/title>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n\n\n\n\t\n\t\n\t\n