{"id":15202,"date":"2020-09-30T01:58:01","date_gmt":"2020-09-30T05:58:01","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/2020\/09\/30\/turning-my-chair-to-face-my-mother\/"},"modified":"2021-04-25T17:09:17","modified_gmt":"2021-04-25T21:09:17","slug":"turning-my-chair-to-face-my-mother","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.mentordiscoverinspire.org\/turning-my-chair-to-face-my-mother\/","title":{"rendered":"Turning My Chair to Face My Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
James Anthony Ellis<\/strong>
Legacy Magazine Editor<\/strong><\/pre>\n\n\n\nBecause I wanted to really reach in and find that big victory in my life, I sat still with the question in my mind for a time. Though the success story that arises in my mind holds no huge fanfare, I think I got it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Reviewing the landscape of the past, there are a number of wins I\u2019ve experienced:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- Producing a couple documentaries that supported the best in our society \u2013 children freed from sex trafficking, and law enforcement getting the support it needs to be at its best.<\/li>
- Writing eight books on topics of most importance to me \u2013 honor, metaphysics, communication, etc.<\/li>
- Finding my wife.<\/li>
- Running a marathon.<\/li>
- Countless poems, plays, blogs, articles and films, the latter of which included one premiere that was complete with a red carpet, stanchions, search lights and a limo.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
But beyond any glitter and glory, I sunk into another experience that really mattered, one that I consider at this time one of the biggest.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was about my mother. It was an experience where the delusion of separation was dissolved, the pain of misunderstanding was released, and the realization of the light was revealed.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Since the experience illuminated my mind with that which transcends this material world, no success of the material world could match it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The experience brings to mind a couple of quotes from the sacred text A Course In Miracles:<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n
- If you achieve the faintest glimmering of what love means today, you have advanced in distance without measure and in time beyond the count of years to your release.<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
- The holiest place on earth is where an ancient hatred has become a present love.<\/em><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n
Now, there was not an \u201cancient hatred\u201d with my mom, but there was definitely some upset, disappointment and anger that kept me from loving and even seeing my mother clearly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The back story \u2013 growing up, I felt neglected, unimportant. No abuse really. Just a sense that my thoughts and emotions were meaningless. Not able to shake that belief in my little kid brain, I grew up distant and distrusting. I was so distant I would go into my bedroom and close the door behind me every day, as if to say, \u201cLeave me alone; you will never understand; you probably don\u2019t love me anyway.\u201d And I did this without even thinking that my mother would notice let alone care.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Fast forward a decade – to a time when I\u2019m in my late 20s. I am living in San Diego, about 90 miles south from where I grew up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
My church was having a special service for those couples that wished to take part in a \u201cRe-commitment Ceremony.\u201d Though this may have been intended for married couples to recommit their vows to each other, there were a few of us who took it outside of the box. I thought that I had been distant with my mother over the past few years, so I would invite her to this service where we could recommit to a loving adult parent-child relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n